R6: When I am with others, whether they're little children, young people, old
people, male or female, I'm overwhelmed by a strong feeling of shame and I feel
the need to run away and be alone, far from everyone.
Doctor: What exactly
are you ashamed of?
R6: I feel I'm ugly. I'm ashamed of my ugly face. I
feel that others will realize I'm ashamed and that only intensifies my
shame.
Doctor: Do you feel that you're the ugliest woman in the
world?
R6:... No, I don't feel that ...
Doctor: Do you believe that
all ugly women should feel ashamed of their ugliness?
R6: I know that
nature makes a person beautiful or ugly and so one shouldn't feel shame. But I
feel ashamed even in front of new-born babies.
Doctor: Do you think that
the new-born can perceive your ugliness?
R6: No, but that thought doesn't
lessen my shame.
Doctor: How do you explain this reaction of
yours?
R6: I don't know ... I don't understand ... (prolonged
silence).
Doctor: Try to relax and say whatever comes into your
mind.
R6: ... Honour thy father and thy mother ... (silence) ... that thy
days may be long upon the earth ... (silence) ... The ten commandments are
divine commandments ... They're the Word of God not of man ... He who violates
God's commandments is punished by Him ... (silence) ... If you honour your
parents, your days will be long upon the earth ... you'll live for many years
... What will happen if you don't honour them? ... You won't live long on earth
... you'll die young ... God will put you to death because you disobeyed His
commandments .. God is a punisher ...
At this point R6 presented severe anxiety and refused to continue the free
communication session.
Of great interest were the thoughts which R6 expressed
with great anxiety during another non-pharmaceutical psychotherapeutic
session.
The following is an excerpt from that free communication:
This session, like almost all others of the same type, resulted in great anxiety and R6's refusal to continue. It is worth noting that the strong emotional reaction which accompanied the free communication sessions did not help her realize the cause of her mental disturbance. That realization was achieved during her 13th autopsychognosia session, an excerpt of which follows:
At this point, R6 began to groan and then to cry out incoherently as her anxiety escalated, climaxing in a terror and agony very difficult to describe. Her body, which had assumed the foetal position, presented alternating contractions of the abdominal and spinal muscles. Finally, after about twenty minutes, she calmed down and said:
Note: The cries and contractions of the abdominal and spinal muscles during the Session were R6's reactions to the rejecting womb messages, reactions which, as a foetus, she had been unable to exteriorize and which had been 'stored' in her nervous system.
The colleague who remarks that my failure in the psychotherapeutic field could be due to lack of a dynamic psychotherapeutic personality may be right. Whatever the cause of the failure, the fact is that my cases came to the surgery in a state of anxiety and generally left feeling more anxious. Both the cases and I felt not only disappointment but exasperation at the quality of the psychotherapeutic results.
Amidst this gloom of negative psychotherapeutic results and of ignorance regarding the bioneurophysiological mechanism of emotional-intellectual symptoms, there appeared the hope-bearing message of d-lysergic acid diaethylamide (LSD-25).
LSD-25 began to be used as an aid to penetrating deeper into the unconscious in 1950. The first psychotherapeutic results encouraged many psychiatrists in various countries to experiment with the new drug. Influenced by the content of the scientific articles of that period and by my disappointment in psychotherapy, I decided that I too would try the new method.
From 1960 to 1970 I used LSD-25 with 43 cases who underwent autopsychognosia sessions at the Greek Hospital of Cairo. From 1970 to 1972, with special permission from the Ministry of Health of the Cypriot Government, I used Psilocybine Sandoz with six cases who underwent autopsychognosia sessions in the psychiatric wing of the General Hospital of Nicosia.
(a) First period 1960 - 1965: Characteristic of this period is my lack
of experience with the new drug. My knowledge was purely theoretical and sprang
from the scientific articles which had been published. During this period, the
basic contraindications for autopsychognosia sessions were psychosis of any kind
as well as organic lesions or functional or toxic disturbances of any system. On
the basis of these criteria alone, 33 cases began Sessions with LSD-25. Of these
33, three cases have kept in touch with me till the present, 14 (aged 19-34)
remained under my care until 1965 whereupon I lost trace of them, and 16 cases
(aged over 35) discontinued autopsychognosia after one to three Sessions. I have
lost trace of them as well.
(b) Second period 1966 - 1970: This period
(as well as the following one) is characterized by a differentiation in the
indications and contraindications for autopsychognosia sessions. The cases were
selected on the basis of the criteria referred to in ( 68. All ten cases of this
period have kept in touch with me till the present.
(c) Third period 1970
- 1972: During this two-year period, six cases underwent autopsychognosia
sessions with Psilocybine. Only three of these have remained in contact with
me.
Before I close my short introductory note, I would like to stress certain points. The reader should know that the protagonists of this book are the 16 individuals of Table 1, (p.18). Without them, nothing would have been written. Although the 16 still frequently inform me of the evolution of their subjective state, this book does not mention the therapeutic results of their autopsychognosia sessions. This conscious omission has its basis in the following conclusions at which I arrived after many years of clinical study of the 16 cases in Table 1:
(a) Every effort to measure the subjective morbid condition of the 16 with
psychometric tests was condemned to total or partial failure as their mental
disturbance was not a measurable physical quantity.
(b) Many points which the
16 had written with 'complete' honesty in their history before embarking on the
Sessions, altered with the progression of the Sessions. Thus, a new history or
histories revealed new elements (e.g. womb rejection, womb acceptance) which I
could not possibly have foreseen from the psychometric tests the cases took
before they began the Sessions (see answers to R10's history questionnaire,
pp.21-25, 51-54).
(c) Frequent clinical examinations of the 16 (sometimes two
or three daily) revealed that the quality and/or intensity of any symptom or
phenomenon might present periodic variations not only from day to day and from
hour to hour but even from moment to moment. In other words, evaluation of the
therapeutic results on a permanent basis I found to be impossible.
Because the experiences and conclusions of the 16 cases impressed me, I publish them here in the hope that they will be a spur to further experimentation for some colleagues; that they will arouse the well-intentioned curiosity of the public which thirsts for experimental scientific findings; that they will influence some pregnant women with positive results for the foetus. I must emphasize that in Parts II and III of the book it is not my intention to generalize the cases' conclusions. If, however, such an impression is created, the blame may be laid on my faulty style of expression.
The English edition of "The Knowledge of the Womb" is divided into three parts. Part I consists of excerpts from and summaries of the histories and autopsychognosia sessions of certain cases in Table 1. Part II is mainly concerned with a general description of the subjective experiences and conclusions of the 16 cases of Table 1 during their autopsychognosia sessions. In Part III, I present my theoretical views on the clinical classification of the 16 and on the mechanism of the development of their mental disturbance. I also propound certain bioneurophysiological conclusions, some of which are based on experimental data while others are theoretical conceptions which require experimental proof.
In 1972, the year I settled in Greece, I was obliged to discontinue my clinical experimental research with LSD-25 and Psilocybine because the Greek Ministry of Public Health rejected my repeated applications for provision of these drugs. I have, however, been able to continue my research with Ketamine. I should like to point out that the cases who underwent autopsychognosia sessions with Ketamine revived intra-uterine experiences and/or experiences of expulsion-birth and reached the same general conclusions as did the 16 cases of Table 1.
The emotional experiences of a foetus, whose nervous system was stimulated by the emotions of his mother, are expressed in the pictures painted by R17 after his 8th and 13th Sessions with Ketamine (see Appendix). The emotional-intellectual interpretation of the symbolism of the paintings is given by R17 himself.
To avoid confusion or misunderstanding, I would like to point out that the meaning of many terms as given in the glossary does not correspond to the meaning given them by traditional psychiatry.